THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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