So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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