hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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