who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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