someone get that fucking seahorse.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Bring me that man meat
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
