the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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