Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize