in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
