Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
