Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
