Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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