Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
