Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
