My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize