i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
