Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's rum buckets o'clock
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
