I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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