I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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