the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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