Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
