How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
