you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize