buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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