is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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