God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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