Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
