Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
