New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
