I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
