Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
