I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
