im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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