just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
