Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I want her autograph on my taint
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
