I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
