There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
