phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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