All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
