I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
