I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
In America we eat man semen.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
