I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
