dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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