i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
