She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina