id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Enjoy the penises
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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