Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.