his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.