is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
