pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
