there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.