We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?