Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.