how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
