I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
