I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
