I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
