Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
