If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
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I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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