hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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