We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
tell me about the eggs
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
