my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
