apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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