I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
