I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
