I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Randomize
