Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
