Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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