Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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