Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
