i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
