Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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