You're completely useless in the revolution.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
