I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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