Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
