there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
