WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
