if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
