It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Randomize
