I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
