Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
