either way he was missing a nipple.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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