I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
