you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
