I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
