Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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