I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
