she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
