Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
