This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
